the last time i wrote about this, things were slowly moving along and i was pretty optimistic (but also afraid to get my hopes up). i was waiting for my body to find a natural cycle, and after five months i actually had "spontaneous menses" (as my doctor refers to it, as if it is the most super exciting thing, like i need a party hat and a noisemaker.) then it didn't happen again so i went back to taking the progesterone medication.
with a return to the progesterone medication, we went back to the usual routine. after working my way up to the maximum dose to induce ovulation (hello, triplets!) i still wasn't able to get a positive with the ovulation home test kits. so we scheduled an ultra-sound to see if the drug was actually contributing to the cause. :)
remember the first post i wrote about this? i compared the first two months to a roller coaster ride. it was up, it was down. and then it was up again. and down again. by my second post, i was just trying to avoid the extremes. i was taking a road trip, steady going, right? well, the day of the ultra sound and the weeks to follow were like riding the batman roller coaster; up and down while suspended by the seat of my pants (or paper gown, if you will).
dr. 1 visit #1 there are my ovaries on the screen while dan asks nerdy scientific questions. for no apparent reason, i feel optimistic. ...up!
sorry, folks, it's note what we hoped for. your ovaries are covered in dark round circles which are the cysts (in PCOS talk these are referred to as 'black pearls' but to me they look like craters on the moon). there should be some elevation (doplar radar looking specks of green and yellow or red) indicating whether follicles are about to produce eggs. ...down!
actually, there is a hint of elevation over here on the left ovary. it's small (a beautiful radiant yellow if i ever saw one) so we could be a little early for the testing window. this could be growing. it could be a recruit. yes, dr. g actually called it a recruit. :) ...up!
and, wow, actually, there is another tiny one there on the right ovary. that could be two recruits! let's see what happens when you do your test kit this week. ...up!
BUT. if we don't see a positive for a hormonal surge on the test kit (so far this week we haven't) and your blood work confirms you didn't ovulate, the next step could be one of three things:
- try a new medication. it is a diabetic medication, metformin, which is also commonly prescribed for PCOS as a substitute for birth control to create a regular menstrual cycle.
- try a new medication that could work but it is being used off label.
- i can refer you to a fertility specialist where you can begin trying more aggressive medications, like monthly injections, or other procedures...
hubby + wifey convo #1: so we might have two recruits. cool. love you, love you too. ...up!
hubby + wifey convo #2: i tried metformin two years ago, to no avail. i was nauseous every day and the bleeding didn't stop for over a month. but i'm willing to try it again if there needs to be a next step. and neither one of us is comfortable using a drug off label. love you, love you too. ...down!
the NEXT day after our ultra sound, i have a positive surge on the test kit. hubby is notified and the proper arrangements are made for us to get busy making future-baby over the next few days. ...up! ...inversion!
wifey fantasy #1: this is one of those stories that you'd never believe: not only are we going to conceive, we will have seen the follicles that led to that conception. and there were two, one on each ovary. twins! ...up!
doctor 1 visit #2: your bloodwork is the best way of knowing if you ovulated. at this point in your cycle, you should have a level of progesterone around 14.
yours is 0.5. ...inversion! ...down! ...down!
hubby + wifey convo #3: neither one of us wants to see a specialist. that leads to an entirely more intense experience physically, emotionally, and financially. controlled multiovulation, like the GnRH infusion pump, immature oocytes harvesting, etc. our hearts just aren't in it. of course we want to conceive, but we are also fulfilled by our marriage and if it just going to be us, we are okay with that. besides, we know plenty of people who randomly, miraculously became pregnant eventually without even trying! love you, love you too.
pregnancy test (just in case): negative. ...down!
doctor 2 visit #1: how are things going? no luck? are you taking the rx for folic acid? essentially, you do not have the luxury of leaving it up to the random and miraculous. if you are not using preventative measures, you HAVE to take the folic acid. if you do not, the damages from lamictal to the fetus are earliest, before you will even know you are pregnant. ...down!
[HAULT] for me, taking the folic acid, putting those little white pills in my palm everyday, feels like i am hoping and i am making a conscious choice to try to conceive. and i don't like doing it. i'd rather not hope so that i'm not disappointed. so i don't take the pills. but. we aren't "not" trying and i am taking lamichtal. i am the most horrid casual, mindless, cursory, disregardful, slipshod, sloppy, heedless, improvident, offhand, perfunctory, imprudent, inadvertent, lackadaisical, loose, incautious, negligent, nonchalant, inconsiderate, indifferent, irresponsible, reckless and regardless future mother ever. you pick the adjective. [RESUME]
doctor visit 1 #3: let's start metformin. three pills a day every day. eat something when you take them.
a month passes and at day 61 of my cycle, i start. spontaneously. dr. g tells me to see if i have a regular cycle over the next month and then we'll resume clomed, but at a low dose. no need to amp things up just yet (goodbye triplets!) ...up!
23 days and i start again. spontaneously. i am nauseous and crabby and will continue to bleed heavily for two weeks. i don't take folic acid. i forget to even take clomed. ...down!
hubby and wifey convo #4: i just don't know what i want or feel anymore. well, i do: future-baby. i want you to keep taking everything and hang in there. ok. i love you, i love you too. ...up!
TODAY.
today i am having my blood drawn again. i had a typical two month cycle and ten days ago i had a positive surge for ovulation. we will hopefully know on monday. :)
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