About Pain

I woke up okay today. Raine was babbling in his crib and waiting for me with a giant poopy diaper sweet grin. We watched some Sprout, played with toys, had some milk, bread, and peaches. I dressed him up in orange and navy (no game today but still...!) including a super cute cardigan, jeans, and his sweet little shoes I'm trying to get him to wear (the days are starting off chilly now and I am realizing autumn is quite near and this little guy is going to have to start covering up those cute toes of his!) Dan was fishing so we had the morning to ourselves. We went to Starbucks and visited my friend Shane and then to Target for some sundries. I thought Raine would be ready for his morning nap by the time we got home, but he was more interested in playing again.

I was doing a really good job of keeping up with him.

I was feeling pretty good.

I managed the steps to our apartment, the getting in and out of the car, the carrying him around in the store once he decided he was NOT going to ride in the shopping cart without being Fussy McFusserson. I crawled around and chased him while he played at home. I pulled linens to do laundry and picked up around the living room.

I was really doing great despite some sore muscles from yoga practice yesterday (I returned to Escape this week after what ended up being a 2 month hiatus!) and only 5 hours of sleep (I was up until 2 reading an entire blog. 171 posts over the past two years. Needless to say I was hooked. More about that another time!) Once Raine finally took his nap, I put a movie in (I had to take advantage of Dan's absence and watch something that 1.) was NOT football and 2.) was totally something he would scoff at watching, like, a silly romantic comedy kinda thing) and worked on laundry. By the time Dan came home at noon, I was tired. I finished my movie and then curled up in our bed and took a quick nap. I had plans to run errands while Dan watched Raine in the afternoon. I wanted to take a nice long walk with my boys. Maybe even pull out my old yoga DVD and dust it off for a quick 30 minute session at home. I figured a nice little nap would help keep me energized.

But after I woke up, things changed.

My legs hurt. More specifically, my left leg hurt incredibly bad from my hip to my big toe. Every muscle fiber ached and it throbbed in the thigh and calf. I surfed the internet, played with Raine after he woke up, and FaceTimed my  mom. I tried to wait the pain out. It wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. So I let each of my goals for the day slowly slip away.

I ended up sitting in a hot bath to see if the hot water could numb the sharpness.

It didn't.

I felt my hope dwindle.

My mood turned sour.


I put on a pretty good face the rest of the day (I think? Dan!?) We hit up NSM for this week's groceries and I organized the kitchen once we got home. I still finished the laundry. I wasn't able to cook dinner like I had hoped. Dan is looking into finding me some of those fancy gel mats to stand on. That will help.

But really, today the pain stole my joy. And a bit of my optimism as usual.

It makes all of my goals from tiny little things like making dinner to great big huge things like working a full time job or improving my health overall to have another baby or just live and serve my family well ... It makes those things seem like a dark and unsurmountable mountain.

And that is it.

That's all I have to say about it. About pain.

It just ruins things. A great big, fat, ruiner. That's what pain is.