There was Winter.
And then came Spring.
I don't really know where the time went. As a 10th anniversary gift, Oregon has given me full blown allergies. Spring has always been a beautiful and invigorating time of year (unless I was low on Vitamin D) and this year it is running me into the ground. I have had cotton-filled ears, a runny nose, congestion, occasional sore and/or itchy throat, and sneezing. Oh, the sneezing! I don't have the patience for this.
In full disclosure, I am not sure why I still have this blog. I haven't made it a priority to write here for such a long time. Once out of the habit of daily writing, it is extremely difficult for me to sit down on a random day and write--without providing context for everything. And it is daunting to think about how much there is to catch readers up on for context.
I read a book review recently on Christie's blog about I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales From a Happy Life Without Kids by Jen Kirkman, and in it Christie said a part in it also reminded her of Wonder Women by Debora Spar (I totally meant to read this book based off of Christie's rec, but, well, that has been added to the list of To Do....) Christie noted when Kirkman addressed "...the idea of women's choice. How we were led to believe as young girls that we could have it all. But the all isn't attainable without sacrifice and once you start making those sacrifices, well, you don't really have it all anymore. You have a lesser version called the next best thing."
I am contemplating this greatly these days. This is probably a stark contrast to my last post--announcing with great exuberance my new business venture and how satisfied I felt creatively and professionally to be doing well with it.
It is just...There is only so much time in a day. And those days go by. And before I know it, a season has changed. And my son is 6 months older. I am juggling a lot of apples in the air and soon they are going to drop. We can only do SO much. Where is the balance?
I do stop and enjoy playing with Raine in the moment. I do stop and hold Dan close to me and close my eyes. I do stare at the gradient of fur on Rocco's muzzle and run my fingers over the soft pads of Hobbes' feet. I do admire a sunset. I do feel grateful that I can walk and not limp most of my days. I enjoyed that mocha this afternoon. But, still. I am caught up in all the motion and I fear it is too fast, too chaotic.
1 comment:
Leah. I feel like this too. Minus the fibromyalgia.
I thought taking time off of work would slow me down, but it's caused me to take on more stuff. PTA stuff. Oil stuff. Card design stuff. Making all or most of our health and beauty stuff.
My days and my mind sound a lot like what you've described. It's hard and I'm trying to figure it all out. I think, for me, writing down a must do list helps a lot. But I still get distracted. Today I totally cleaned off the kitchen counters.... But that was only because I had to move something to,give Sean a bath to help,with his cold.... And then I got distracted.
Anyway.... Hang in there...
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