Books and a General Lament

I have been very depressed. Still waiting to see what Cymbalta can do for me.

I don't mean to be a downer. I find I have nothing else to write about.

There has been little happening since I got back from Illinois. I haven't done hardly anything at all other than apply for jobs among the massive 12% in Oregon searching too.

Well, this is not entirely true. I have done a few things. I've bought a lot of mochas, smoked too much, and talked on the phone a lot.

There has been no reading. I felt ambitious today with the redemption of the sun and bought three books for $9. God bless the bargain bin. "The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007," "The Yellow House; Van Gogh, Gaughin, and Nine Turbulent Weeks in Arles," and "Demonology (Short Stories by Rick Moody - unrelated to demons).

Speaking of books, Dan's birthday came and went without a post. He requested Little Debbie Easter cakes. I provided (2 boxes!) and got him two library books as well: "Watching Baseball Smarter" and "Trout Bum." Dan is 32 and I love him. He has been extremely patient and supportive lately.

I made it a week without buying anything (I truly am an addict, so this is substantial) and then took 10 steps backwards with a few things for the rearranged living room: a poster, a shelf, two pillows. I am trying to make the space more cheerful. Will I be more cheerful? Too much gray, brown, and black. Dreary.

Did I mention the sun is out today? Beautifully warm. We are going to take advantage of this change of events and go fishing this weekend.

I also hung out at the library reading magazines. The interest is barely there, so it was more like an aggressive flipping through. I watched 3 Gilmore Girls episodes one afternoon. Otherwise, the TV remains off. I count stitches on furniture, think of new ways to write my signature, pet the dog and cat. Stare at the leaves on the trees.

When everything feels meaningless it brings such grief.

Tomorrow I will shower and we'll go from there.