Raine's Birth Story (Part 1)

In my last trimester, I began obsessively reading birth stories on the blog "Spearmint Baby," and relished every birth story a friend, family member, or sometimes stranger (!) shared with me. I couldn't get enough of birth stories! EVERY story was completely DIFFERENT. There seemed to be so many possibilities and I couldn't wait to find out what our story would be. If you had asked me beforehand what I hoped for in terms of my labor experience, I would have said that I wanted it to feel as natural as possible. I didn't know if I was capable of a medication-free labor and delivery, but I kind of hoped for that because introducing medications had a way of creating an experience that I didn't feel comfortable with. For example, when I watched videos and read descriptions, I felt physically uncomfortable thinking about having things attached to me or having to be lying in a bed the whole time. My instinct was to want to move freely and be able to work through pain and/or push in whatever position I needed to. And just because life has a way of entertaining you with irony, when I was told I would be induced, I realized I was going to have the kind of experience I was hoping to avoid! I have to say that Raine's birth ended up nothing like the birth that I "hoped for," but entirely wondrous in its own way and I am grateful that even though there were medications and interventions, and that I ended up in a bed the whole time (!) everything worked out in such a way that we were both still safe and healthy. So I am grateful for my unexpected experience and mostly my remarkable husband, who documented as much of it as he could while supporting me every step of the way (And those photos and videos enabled us to make our special little video!) :)

Also, I am writing our story in two parts. The first part is about labor and delivery and the second part is about our experience with Raine in the NICU until he came home three days later.

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My mother, Dan, and I arrived at the hospital Wednesday night and were given a spacious room with a beautiful view of the sun setting over the Fir trees in the west hills of Portland. It made me happy that our son was about to be born in this special city that Dan and I love so much. :) After changing into my birthing gown, I was given a hep-lock IV in my right wrist. This was one of my least favorite moments because 1.) It would eventually "attach" me to something, making me feel more restricted, and 2.) It hurt! And for some reason my nurse had trouble with it and there was some blood involved that made me nauseous. I was also immediately "attached" to a machine with two bands around my midsection for both the baby's heart rate and my contractions. If I needed to get up and move, I had to unplug the bands and their cords, wrap them around me, and take them with me! It made for some extremely awkward trips to the bathroom.

My cute little organic cotton birthing gown, fluffy slippers, and all of my "stuff."

After an exam, the doctor decided to begin my induction by using Cervidil, a suppository that would soften the muscle fibers of my cervix and cause contractions. I was told that it could take up to 12 hours to work, so I would be able to rest through the night while we waited.

Um, yeah right! It seemed to begin working immediately! I hardly had time to recover from the pain of it being "placed" inside me before I started having painful cramps. The nurse gave me medication so that I could relax and sleep, but it was only effective for about 1 hour. I spent the night waking in pain every hour and a half, making awkward trips to the bathroom, and calling the nurse for more medicine. My mother slept on a couch while Dan sat in a chair next to my bed, ready to help me if I needed it. By morning, the medicine was no longer helping and I was tired and overwhelmed.

I think I remember getting out of bed at this point and sitting on a birthing ball while Dan held a heated pack against my lower back and/or abdomen. It was a small moment of relief before the nurse came in and removed the suppository. In Dan's notes, he wrote: "8:45 a.m. - Cervical out. Worse pain I saw you in." He told me that my entire body turned bright red and I'm sure I howled in pain like I did when they put it in, but I totally do not remember this moment. I have blocked it from memory!

In the morning I was 3 cm dilated and used breathing techniques to get through the contractions. I laid sideways, closed my eyes, and gripped the bar on the side of the bed. I was aware that Dan was there with me, but I wasn't able to look at him and focus on him to help me in the way that I thought that I would. I remember hearing his voice and smelling coffee on his breath. I remember thinking that the baby would know him by his coffee scent. :)


At 10:00 a.m. they gave me an epidural. I was frustrated because I was trying to breath through my contractions while both a nurse and the anesthesiologist gave me instructions. It was so hard to concentrate on what they were saying and I didn't know who to listen to. They seemed agitated-either with each other or me for not doing as I was told. Finally, the anesthesiologist seemed fed up and cut the nurse off. I managed to get into the position he needed and the next thing I knew, I was asleep.

I slept so hard that I was snoring. Dan said it was the best sound he had heard during the whole experience. I think he was super relieved that I was no longer in pain. I woke up at 11:00 when my water broke and then drifted in and out of sleep over the next hour while breathing into an oxygen mask. Yes, more attachments! With the oxygen mask came the blood pressure cuff, and the Hep Lock IV now pulsed saline and antibiotics through my bloodstream. Of course, by that point I was clueless and didn't care.

By 12:30, I was 8 cm dilated, and even with the epidural, I could feel a tremendously uncomfortable and strong pressure with a sensation that my body wanted to push. In fact, over the next hour, the sensation got stronger and it felt like my body was pushing, all on its own, and I laid there and worried, trying to stop it. At that point, I also had a bowel movement from the pushing, and even though I had read that this can happen, I was utterly dismayed and kept saying how sorry I was. LOL.


I waited for what felt like an eternity for the "OK," and finally it came. One last stubborn lip of my cervix dilated and the doctor and several nurses got everything ready for me super quick. I constantly felt the urge to push, but they watched my contractions on the monitor and stood at my feet and told me when to do it and for how long. Dan stood beside them and cheered me on.

Every time they cheered, I remember thinking "Oh my God. This isn't working. I'm not strong enough. These pushes aren't good enough. Dan and the doctor and nurses are just saying I am doing a great job to keep me going.....Oh well. I guess I have to keep going." LOL.

As it turns out, they were right. I was doing a great job. In fact, I only pushed through probably 12 contractions...About fifteen minutes or so? And again, even with the epidural, I could still feel things and it was painful. Sometimes I screamed or shrieked as I pushed and the nurses would tell me to stop, and to focus that energy into the push. When the baby's head crowned, they asked me if I wanted to feel it. I thought, "Are you crazy!? No! I don't want to stop and feel around down there, I want to PUSH HIM OUT!" LOL.

At 1:51 p.m., he came out. I felt his body leave mine in a slick rush, but I didn't hear him cry or see him! I must have been looking away or had my eyes closed and the nurses immediately took him to his bed to examine him. Above all, this was nothing like I expected! For 9 months I had been looking forward to that moment where he emerges and he is placed on my chest (every birth video had that moment and it always made me cry!) Dan looked forward to possibly "catching him," handing him to me, and helping cut the umbilical cord.

What I didn't know at the time was that Raine emerged with blue flesh and wasn't breathing right. I had no idea this was going on, but Dan was with him as the nurses worked on him and coaxed him to breathe and react to them. I could see them all huddled around him across the room and I just thought they were doing routine checks. The doctor delivered my placenta and then began sewing my tears. I vaguely listened to another doctor give her instructions (she was a resident) and waited. And waited.

Finally the doctor came to me and told me that Raine had some trouble but was doing okay, and that they had to take him to the NICU to monitor him. Tears stung at my eyes as I told her that I hadn't even seen him yet! She assured me I could hold him for a few minutes before they left.

And then he came to me and was placed on my chest.

I don't have words for that moment.

I said hello to my son and held him.

Dan and I couldn't believe how cute he was.

After a few minutes together, the doctor took our picture and then he had to go. Dan was able to go with them and he later told me that Raine did super well in the NICU. In order for him to come back to us, they needed to see his oxygen level at a specific amount and his heartbeat at a certain rate for approximately an hour. Like a good boy doing just as he was asked, he stabilized right away. Dan was able to give him a bath and then they returned to me. With a great sense of relief, we were all transferred together to our recovery room, where Raine and I caught up on some much needed sleep. :) Dan later told me that throughout the entire experience, his absolute favorite moment was that afternoon in the recovery room as he stood and watched us sleeping; the moment he realized we were a family.

Happy birthday Raine!