Raine's Birth Story (Part 1)

In my last trimester, I began obsessively reading birth stories on the blog "Spearmint Baby," and relished every birth story a friend, family member, or sometimes stranger (!) shared with me. I couldn't get enough of birth stories! EVERY story was completely DIFFERENT. There seemed to be so many possibilities and I couldn't wait to find out what our story would be. If you had asked me beforehand what I hoped for in terms of my labor experience, I would have said that I wanted it to feel as natural as possible. I didn't know if I was capable of a medication-free labor and delivery, but I kind of hoped for that because introducing medications had a way of creating an experience that I didn't feel comfortable with. For example, when I watched videos and read descriptions, I felt physically uncomfortable thinking about having things attached to me or having to be lying in a bed the whole time. My instinct was to want to move freely and be able to work through pain and/or push in whatever position I needed to. And just because life has a way of entertaining you with irony, when I was told I would be induced, I realized I was going to have the kind of experience I was hoping to avoid! I have to say that Raine's birth ended up nothing like the birth that I "hoped for," but entirely wondrous in its own way and I am grateful that even though there were medications and interventions, and that I ended up in a bed the whole time (!) everything worked out in such a way that we were both still safe and healthy. So I am grateful for my unexpected experience and mostly my remarkable husband, who documented as much of it as he could while supporting me every step of the way (And those photos and videos enabled us to make our special little video!) :)

Also, I am writing our story in two parts. The first part is about labor and delivery and the second part is about our experience with Raine in the NICU until he came home three days later.

***

My mother, Dan, and I arrived at the hospital Wednesday night and were given a spacious room with a beautiful view of the sun setting over the Fir trees in the west hills of Portland. It made me happy that our son was about to be born in this special city that Dan and I love so much. :) After changing into my birthing gown, I was given a hep-lock IV in my right wrist. This was one of my least favorite moments because 1.) It would eventually "attach" me to something, making me feel more restricted, and 2.) It hurt! And for some reason my nurse had trouble with it and there was some blood involved that made me nauseous. I was also immediately "attached" to a machine with two bands around my midsection for both the baby's heart rate and my contractions. If I needed to get up and move, I had to unplug the bands and their cords, wrap them around me, and take them with me! It made for some extremely awkward trips to the bathroom.

My cute little organic cotton birthing gown, fluffy slippers, and all of my "stuff."

After an exam, the doctor decided to begin my induction by using Cervidil, a suppository that would soften the muscle fibers of my cervix and cause contractions. I was told that it could take up to 12 hours to work, so I would be able to rest through the night while we waited.

Um, yeah right! It seemed to begin working immediately! I hardly had time to recover from the pain of it being "placed" inside me before I started having painful cramps. The nurse gave me medication so that I could relax and sleep, but it was only effective for about 1 hour. I spent the night waking in pain every hour and a half, making awkward trips to the bathroom, and calling the nurse for more medicine. My mother slept on a couch while Dan sat in a chair next to my bed, ready to help me if I needed it. By morning, the medicine was no longer helping and I was tired and overwhelmed.

I think I remember getting out of bed at this point and sitting on a birthing ball while Dan held a heated pack against my lower back and/or abdomen. It was a small moment of relief before the nurse came in and removed the suppository. In Dan's notes, he wrote: "8:45 a.m. - Cervical out. Worse pain I saw you in." He told me that my entire body turned bright red and I'm sure I howled in pain like I did when they put it in, but I totally do not remember this moment. I have blocked it from memory!

In the morning I was 3 cm dilated and used breathing techniques to get through the contractions. I laid sideways, closed my eyes, and gripped the bar on the side of the bed. I was aware that Dan was there with me, but I wasn't able to look at him and focus on him to help me in the way that I thought that I would. I remember hearing his voice and smelling coffee on his breath. I remember thinking that the baby would know him by his coffee scent. :)


At 10:00 a.m. they gave me an epidural. I was frustrated because I was trying to breath through my contractions while both a nurse and the anesthesiologist gave me instructions. It was so hard to concentrate on what they were saying and I didn't know who to listen to. They seemed agitated-either with each other or me for not doing as I was told. Finally, the anesthesiologist seemed fed up and cut the nurse off. I managed to get into the position he needed and the next thing I knew, I was asleep.

I slept so hard that I was snoring. Dan said it was the best sound he had heard during the whole experience. I think he was super relieved that I was no longer in pain. I woke up at 11:00 when my water broke and then drifted in and out of sleep over the next hour while breathing into an oxygen mask. Yes, more attachments! With the oxygen mask came the blood pressure cuff, and the Hep Lock IV now pulsed saline and antibiotics through my bloodstream. Of course, by that point I was clueless and didn't care.

By 12:30, I was 8 cm dilated, and even with the epidural, I could feel a tremendously uncomfortable and strong pressure with a sensation that my body wanted to push. In fact, over the next hour, the sensation got stronger and it felt like my body was pushing, all on its own, and I laid there and worried, trying to stop it. At that point, I also had a bowel movement from the pushing, and even though I had read that this can happen, I was utterly dismayed and kept saying how sorry I was. LOL.


I waited for what felt like an eternity for the "OK," and finally it came. One last stubborn lip of my cervix dilated and the doctor and several nurses got everything ready for me super quick. I constantly felt the urge to push, but they watched my contractions on the monitor and stood at my feet and told me when to do it and for how long. Dan stood beside them and cheered me on.

Every time they cheered, I remember thinking "Oh my God. This isn't working. I'm not strong enough. These pushes aren't good enough. Dan and the doctor and nurses are just saying I am doing a great job to keep me going.....Oh well. I guess I have to keep going." LOL.

As it turns out, they were right. I was doing a great job. In fact, I only pushed through probably 12 contractions...About fifteen minutes or so? And again, even with the epidural, I could still feel things and it was painful. Sometimes I screamed or shrieked as I pushed and the nurses would tell me to stop, and to focus that energy into the push. When the baby's head crowned, they asked me if I wanted to feel it. I thought, "Are you crazy!? No! I don't want to stop and feel around down there, I want to PUSH HIM OUT!" LOL.

At 1:51 p.m., he came out. I felt his body leave mine in a slick rush, but I didn't hear him cry or see him! I must have been looking away or had my eyes closed and the nurses immediately took him to his bed to examine him. Above all, this was nothing like I expected! For 9 months I had been looking forward to that moment where he emerges and he is placed on my chest (every birth video had that moment and it always made me cry!) Dan looked forward to possibly "catching him," handing him to me, and helping cut the umbilical cord.

What I didn't know at the time was that Raine emerged with blue flesh and wasn't breathing right. I had no idea this was going on, but Dan was with him as the nurses worked on him and coaxed him to breathe and react to them. I could see them all huddled around him across the room and I just thought they were doing routine checks. The doctor delivered my placenta and then began sewing my tears. I vaguely listened to another doctor give her instructions (she was a resident) and waited. And waited.

Finally the doctor came to me and told me that Raine had some trouble but was doing okay, and that they had to take him to the NICU to monitor him. Tears stung at my eyes as I told her that I hadn't even seen him yet! She assured me I could hold him for a few minutes before they left.

And then he came to me and was placed on my chest.

I don't have words for that moment.

I said hello to my son and held him.

Dan and I couldn't believe how cute he was.

After a few minutes together, the doctor took our picture and then he had to go. Dan was able to go with them and he later told me that Raine did super well in the NICU. In order for him to come back to us, they needed to see his oxygen level at a specific amount and his heartbeat at a certain rate for approximately an hour. Like a good boy doing just as he was asked, he stabilized right away. Dan was able to give him a bath and then they returned to me. With a great sense of relief, we were all transferred together to our recovery room, where Raine and I caught up on some much needed sleep. :) Dan later told me that throughout the entire experience, his absolute favorite moment was that afternoon in the recovery room as he stood and watched us sleeping; the moment he realized we were a family.

Happy birthday Raine!

This Is It, Folks!

How Far Along? 36 weeks and 6 days. Wednesday I will be 37 weeks and considered officially full term. To our surprise, we found out last week that at that point, my labor will be induced. So this is my last entry about being pregnant. Why not go out with a bang? I'm showing off my big ol' belly and pregnant body in all of its glory in a swimsuit. :)

Baby's Size and Development? At our ultrasound last week, Blasty weighed 6.75 lbs. What a healthy boy. :) Something unusual has happened with his development, though. At our ultrasound July 11th, the radiologist noted that Blasty's right ureter was larger than average. They waited three weeks and then we went to the perinatologist's office to have a better look. (We also had to start a series of non-stress tests twice a week to monitor Blasty's heartbeat because of my low PAPP-A.) We discovered that both ureters have a partial blockage that is preventing his kidneys from being able to release all of his urine into his bladder. This blockage has caused the kidneys to swell a little but no further damage is taking place at this point. They decided that as soon as I was full term they would induce labor and delivery him safely so the pediatric urologist can assess him and determine the best way to fix it. He is probably going to have to corrective surgery but we won't know for sure until he is born. This was very surprising news, to say the least! I felt very close to fainting when she said they wanted to induce in 1 week. It took me a while to get over the shock of it, before I could even begin to process all of the other information! I don't know if I have ever squeezed Dan's hand so tight!


Changes in Me?
Physically...Everything is the same and continues to be challenging. I fully understand now why everyone says the last 4 weeks of your pregnancy are harder than all of the rest. However now I have an early end in sight and I am grateful that I won't have to experience more. I don't see how I could have kept carrying him to the end without using a cane to walk and spending most of the time in bed!
Emotionally...Wow. It is all so surreal. I just can't believe it is happening so soon! I am so very excited to meet him, but I am also anxious about inducing labor, worried about his health, and nervous about being a new parent. I am so grateful for all of our friends and family who have shown tremendous support the past few days with texts, emails, phone calls, and facebook messages. I think it has truly helped me get through this past week without having an emotional breakdown! LOL.

Maternity Clothes? I've been rockin' that swimsuit quite a bit. Thanks to Melly for giving it to me, and thanks to the Sherwood 5 for hanging out with me at our pool. :) (The Sherwood 5 are the children of our friends, Matt and Gayle.)


Sleep? Awful. It is very difficult to fall asleep at this point because my mind is on overdrive. I still only sleep an hour or two at a time because of trips to the bathroom and hip cramps. I think waking to feed a newborn isn't going to be much different, huh??

Best Moment This Past Week? I got to see Blasty at 3 ultrasounds. They have been monitoring him every other day. Also since my last post, Dan and I had a date day (which turned out to be our last...Little did we know!) and that was wonderful. We went out to eat, saw Harry Potter, and picked up some treats at Whole Foods. (Dan usually gets a new beer he hasn't tried and some sort of stinky cheese, while I get some sort of gooey chocolate pastry and fresh fruit.)

Movement? Blasty is head down and curled up but continues to move on a regular basis, primarily his little feet and sometimes his shoulders and arms. I think he's pretty comfortable because he still has a lot of amniotic fluid to move in. I discovered at the first non-stress test (where they monitor both Blasty's heart rate and my uterine activity) that I am having contractions. I had no idea! The nurse could see it though, both physically as my stomach tightened and contorted and on the graph paper that charts the small arches as the contractions occur. I have noticed the tightening ever since I started nicknaming Blasty "Bulgy McBulgerson" because I thought it was him stretching and sticking his parts out. I didn't realize it was my uterus contracting. LOL. Well, now I know.

Symptoms? At long last, a little heartburn. (So maybe he'll have a little hair???) And Braxton-Hicks contractions! :) And I have to say I'm really happy to know that I've been having these all along (at least two months now) because my uterus needs the practice. It is in for a VERY rude awakening Wednesday night.

What I Miss? Rolling over like it's no big deal. Lying on my back and stomach. Being able to reach things and bend over without this belly in the way. Sleep. Beer. :)

What I Am Looking Forward To? SEEING BLASTY FOR THE FIRST TIME. SEEING DAN GET TO HOLD HIM. HOLDING HIM IN MY ARMS AND KISSING HIM, LOOKING INTO HIS EYES. OH MY GOODNESS, I CAN'T WAIT! :)

Emotions? Words can't express. I've never been more proud of myself and my love for Dan has just kept growing exponentially throughout this pregnancy. I can't even begin to imagine how much stronger these emotions will be after our little boy is born. What a journey we have taken together!

5 Weeks to Go!

How Far Along? 34 weeks and 5 days. That's 243 days of pregnanthood. But who is counting?

Baby's Size and Development? According to our ultrasound two weeks ago, Blasty was weighing in at 4.5 lbs. If he is managing the average weight gain expected of babes in utero, that would make him 5.5 lbs today. I believe it. I feel it! He has become one heavy little bundle and the nickname Bulgy McBulgerson has stuck. When we see him at the next utlrasound he should be 6 lbs., which was my approximate birth weight at three weeks early. So he's definitely a little ahead of my growth but I'm totally happy to say he is trailing Dan's growth! :) It is pretty safe to say that Blasty will NOT be born over 10 lbs like Dan. It looks like we are going to have a nice average. I'll take it!!!

Changes in Me?

Physically...I've been using the phrase: It's all going to shit. It's true. It seems as though anything that could break down or go wrong with my body is taking it's opportunity to do so in this last month! So let's see: My gums are sore and bleeding, my jaw locked, I'm much more congested than before, my upper back and shoulder muscles are knotted, Blasty occasionally crowds my stomach and sends my food back from where it came from, I've lost my appetite, the weight gain has finally caught me off guard and I hurt my wrists trying to stand up, my ankles swell often, my fibro in my legs is worse, my hips get charlie horse cramps frequently, other unmentionables are very swollen and sore, and frequent hot flashes.

And yet, everyone tells me "You're GLOWING!" Ha ha.

Emotionally...I'm kinda all over the place. I have moments of extreme fear, anxiety, and loneliness, which have elicited numerous texts and emails to girlfriends. I have even begged some of them to fly out here and please. just. keep. me. company. I am also more prone to feeling just plain IRRITATED and impatient. I have been doing my best to not take it out on Dan, since he is really the only person in my general proximity and therefore most vulnerable to my mood swings. :) I also have this giant ball of love forming in my chest that doesn't quite have a way to express itself yet. I imagine when Blasty arrives it will finally melt and ooze from my every pore all over his sweet little baby body.

Maternity Clothes? I'm trying to avoid "tent" clothing but it is getting harder. :) Wearing fitted things just doesn't feel as cute as it did when my belly was smaller. I do my best to accessorize the same boring items that I do wear, and additional treats like pedicures help me feel somewhat normal and pretty. Wanting to find something special for our Oregon baby shower, I scored a dress at Target the day before and it was a huge success. I got more compliments on that dress (via Facebook, mostly) than any other article of clothing during my entire pregnancy! It is a lovely, rich blue color with a generous, draped Grecian-like cut. I LOVE it and could wear it every day. I can definitely wear it after the pregnancy, too, I'll just have to get it hemmed.

Sleep? I'm lucky to get what I can. I guess that's all I can say. After my last post, nothing has changed except I try to sneak more naps in. My boss agreed to let me reduce my hours at work so I have a little extra time in the morning to get going (every bit helps!) and I now leave work an hour and half earlier, giving me a chance to nap or float my aching body in the pool. :)

Best Moment This Past Week? Since my last post 3 weeks ago, we had our Oregon baby shower and got to celebrate Blasty's coming arrival with all of our friends here. How generous and wonderful they all are, too!!! We had a great afternoon together, sitting in the sunshine on Matt and Gayle's deck with a beautiful view, with some yummy fruit, side salads, microbrews, and assorted sausages (Dan was particularly thrilled to be grilling those sausages...That was definitely the highlight of his week!) We were so happy to see lots of friends, co-workers and former co-workers (including one of my bosses from Henny Penny!) as well as Dan's childhood friend, Jay, who traveled from Seattle with his wife and son for the occasion.

A little handmade giraffe by Melissa

A super cool mobile I had JUST seen and admired while shopping that weekend at Posh, from Greg and Stacie

Movement? Constant. Which is annoying but lovely. :)

Symptoms? No need to go over those again. Ugh. However, I will point out common symptoms that I HAVEN'T had, which include heartburn (does this mean Blasty is going to be bald?!?) and no Braxton Hicks contractions yet.

What I Miss? Lying on my back and stomach, freedom of movement like bending over and getting up and down or turning with ease, alcoholic beverages, being able to multi-task and having a greater attention span, having stamina/energy, weighing 50 lbs. lighter, and my best friends who live far away. My misery aches for their entertaining and relaxing company. :)

What I Am Looking Forward To? Another glimpse of Blasty at our (hopefully last) ultrasound, August 3rd.

Emotions? Fear, irritation, joy, anticipation, LUV for my boys :)

Hubby + Wifey + Blasty
See more photos from our Oregon shower here.

Bulgy McBulgerson

How Far Along? 32 weeks and 1 day, so I am beginning my 33rd week. I have 5 weeks left before I go on maternity leave and 7 weeks until Blasty's official due date. It is VERY overwhelming to be working with these single digits.

Baby's Size and Development? Blasty is supposed to be measuring it at around 1 foot long and 3-3 3/4 lbs. We will have a more approximate idea of his size and stature when we see him at our next (and hopefully last!) ultrasound on Monday. The doctor forgot to order measurements at our last screening, as a follow up to previous concerns about Blasty's growth because of my low PAPP-A. I have to say, though, he has GOT to be on target or ahead of the game a little because he FEELS huge! I've nicknamed him "Bulgy McBulgerson" for the way his biggest most round parts protrude now on a regular basis. :)

Changes in Me?

Physically...I seem to be in a whole new phase. The belly is bigger than ever and causing major restrictions. I can't really do much of anything anymore without it getting in the way or hurting other parts of my body with its weight and pressure. It is getting very difficult to find any sort of comfortable position to sit or lay in. The only pure relief is when I am in water, where the buoyancy is amazing! Also, my ankles disappeared last weekend, once we experienced the 90 degree weather in California. They haven't quite returned, either.

Emotionally... The eagerness/readiness vs. sheer panic continues as I contemplate becoming a first time parent. :) I also find myself shorter of temper and quick to cry in specific situations. At a recent ballgame, I had to fight tears at the sound of someone singing the "Star Spangled Banner" (that was a first) and again in the 7th inning when someone sang "God Bless America." It wasn't necessarily a rush of patriotism so much as it was the beauty of a singing voice, and a crowd of people joining in.


Maternity Clothes? For public appearances, I am basically living in two pairs of pants at this point: Plain, black cotton capris by Liz Lange for Target and adjustable cargo pants from Megan. My hand-me-down swimsuit worked perfectly while in California, and I was happy to still fit in the dress I bought for Kevin & Katie's wedding (another Liz Lange for Target purchase, in photo at the top). I'm definitely feeling more like a giant whale in everything that I wear, and it would be nice if perfect strangers would stop telling me I'm so big, asking me when I am due, and then acting like they feel sorry for me because I still have two months. One lady even told me, "Oh my God, you're going to have a big baby!" Geeez! Thankfully, my faithfully sweet husband and Starbucks baristas still tell me daily that I look super cute. So I'm sticking with them. LOL. :)

Sleep? Well, my restful nights have ended. I now wake every 1-2 hours to either switch sides or go to the bathroom. When my bladder is full, the pressure of it combined with my uterus and Bulgy McBulgerson make it almost impossible to walk, so those late night trips to the toilet are getting really frustrating. Almost every morning I now wake with cramps in my hips, so I am really looking forward to post-pregnancy when I can go back to sleeping comfortably on my back or stomach. Without consistent sleep, my Fibromyalgia is rearing its ugly little head and my legs have been very painful the past few days. The only relief seems to be sitting in a tub of warm water, but that isn't really much of an option when I have to rush off to work in the morning. Heat packs seem to be the way to go, so I am lucky that our office is air conditioned.

Best Moment This Past Week? We had a lot of time with Dan's family this past weekend while we were in California, and Grandpa Jim got to feel Blasty moving around. Dan and I enjoyed our time away together and I loved relaxing in the pool and hot tub with him.

Movement? He's a mover and a shaker. All times of the day and especially when I am eating, which is kind of nauseating. I keep thinking he's going to run out of room, but apparently he hasn't!

Symptoms? Same as before: Pain and discomfort in my lower back and hips, occasional shortness of breath, congestion, trouble concentrating, anxiety, acne, and now swollen ankles.

What I Miss? Same as before: Freedom of movement.

What Am I Looking Forward To? Our baby shower next weekend with our Oregon family of friends. :)

Emotions? Joy, anxiety, pride, LUV for hubby & Blasty. :)

10 Weeks To Go....!

At the wedding of our dear friends, Patrick & Teressa, June 25, 2011


How Far Along? 30 weeks and 4 days. I have been pregnant for 214 days! The time is truly flying by. He is going to be here before we know it!!!

Baby's Size and Development? Blasty is supposed to be around 11.5" crown to rump and about 3.5 lbs. He is pretty gosh darn fully functioning at this point! LOL. From here on out it's all about brain growth and the further sophistication of his little organs and tissues, as well as puttin' on the fat pounds to give him those chubby limbs and cheeks. :) I guess babies average gaining a half a pound a week in the final two months.

Changes in Me?

Physically...The belly continues to grow and I am getting a tiny bit of swelling at my ankles every once in a while but other than that, no changes. I am happy to report (if you haven't heard by now) that the doctor confirmed that the placenta moved as my uterus grew, so I no longer have restrictions and I am good to go for a natural delivery at this point. HOORAY! :) I also passed my gestational test (Yea!) but I am anemic and I have had to change my diet a little and take a supplement to get more iron. Unfortunately this has been a big pain in the ass because a.) My iron supplement (recommended to be taken on an empty stomach with orange juice) makes me nauseous and if I take it with a little bit of food or after a meal, I end up throwing up. b.) Calcium blocks the absorption of iron and what do I crave ALL the time, especially when my stomach is upset? MILK. I am trying to get my iron from food instead of taking the pills but I'm having a hard time not having dairy with or near the time I eat it!

Emotionally...I am getting REALLY excited. The wonder and fear/anxiety are really setting in as the due date gets closer. Reality checks are everywhere. We had our hospital tours (we had two hospitals to choose from) and selected one to pre-register at. We started the search for a daycare provider. We will start birth classes soon. I get memos from my pregnancy emails that talk about knowing signs of preterm labor and having your bag packed for the hospital. I saw a mama with a 2 week old baby yesterday and realized how close we are to meeting our sweet little Blasty in person. I now have a daily sense of both eagerness/readiness and panic! LOL

Maternity Clothes? Loving maternity pants so much that I may never go back to the old ways. Ha ha. The dress I wore to the wedding was Megan's and this cute little top that I wore to the rehearsal dinner was Lorri's. I'm so grateful for hand-me-downs! I'm also grateful that it is summertime and I can wear comfy sandals all the time AND that I work at an office with a super casual dress code!


Sleep? Sleep is going OK. I'm still getting a good amount but it is so frequently interrupted by trips to the bathroom. And Rocco has been crying every morning at 4:45 from his kennel. We don't know why and it is super annoying. I guess he's prepping us for baby cries.

Best Moment This Past Week? Dan has been reading to Blasty every night before we go to sleep and these have been special moments to me...I'm going to write a separate little post about it. :)

Movement? He is still small enough to move around completely so that his head and rump are both bulging from the upper part of my belly. I read that in the next two weeks he'll settle more head-down as he grows and prepares for birth. He is super active! He moves all day long. I never wake up and feel him moving so he must sleep when I do. Feeling him move is definitely my favorite thing about being pregnant and I'll miss it after he is born. But I'm sure holding him in my arms will feel amazing in a way that I can't even comprehend right now!

Symptoms? Same as before: Pain and discomfort in my lower back and hips, occasional shortness of breath, congestion, trouble concentrating, anxiety, acne, and also a little bit of swelling now.

What I Miss? Freedom of movement. It is so gosh darn hard to just simply MOVE anymore. Anytime I want to change the position I am sitting in it is a giant chore, and any form of walking or standing must be done with great care to avoid shooting pain, particularly around my sciatic nerve. I am also really, really starting to miss lying on my stomach. My hips and back are so worn out from lying on my side.

What Am I Looking Forward To? We have a trip this week to San Francisco and although I'm anxious about the 11 hour drive there, I'm SO excited to see family and friends and get away from work for a long weekend!

Emotions? Excitement and anxiety about how close we are getting to labor and delivery. Pride.

So much LOVE for Dan.



So much LOVE for Blasty.

Before/After

Before...in the Goodwill parking lot :-)

After all of Dan's hard work!!!

Before, at 13 weeks in an empty room...

At 30 weeks in our nursery!

More photos coming soon...! ;-) This was all I had the energy to post. LOL.

Blasty Bomb Belly Photos!

All photos by my wonderful and talented best friend, Amy! (Amy Mulder Photography) I can't wait for her to do his portrait after he is born! :) She is AWESOME.

Taken in Grandma and Grandpa Hodel's back yard on May 23, 2011 (I was about 26 weeks along).

27 Weeks

How Far Along? 27 weeks. Today is the first day of week 28, the first week of the LAST TRIMESTER, PEOPLE. WOW.

Baby's Size and Development? Blasty is supposed to be around 15" head to toe and 2 lbs. We will know his specifics at our next ultrasound in a week, when we FINALLY GET TO CHECK THE PLACENTA. LOL.

Changes in Me? MY BELLY IS BIG. I mean, big. It might not look THAT big but it FEELS horribly big. It was fun to watch/feel it grow at first, but now I'm kinda getting nervous. I can't believe it is going to get even bigger. A LOT bigger! Other changes are mostly related to painful areas around my BIG belly like my hips, thighs, groin, and lower back. I am beginning to wonder how on earth I will keep this manageable as he grows. I am pretty much in pain or just plain uncomfortable 95% of the time and by the time I get home from work, where I have sat at a computer for 8 hours, I want to cry. Sometimes I do, as soon as I get through the door into the safe hug of my hubby.

Maternity Clothes? I couldn't wait any longer and I bought a pair of black cotton maternity capri pants (kinda like yoga pants) just before our trip. And I reached the stockpile at Megan's house in Illinois JUST IN TIME, because once I put on those real maternity pants, there was no turning back to my old pairs that I wore with the belly band. In fact, I haven't worn a belly band in two weeks. It is full on maternity time and I am SO GRATEFUL that Megan hooked me up! She provided all kinds of pants, shorts, dresses, blouses, and t-shirts. We had to get a new duffel bag to bring it all back to Oregon with us, but Dan was happy that I was getting a new summer wardrobe without shopping. :) I also recently got clothes from April and Melissa, including a maternity swimsuit that I hope fits because as soon as this weather warms up, I am so ready for the buoyancy of the pool....! :)

Sleep? This continues to be a wonderful thing. I am so grateful for every little bit of sleep I get!

Best Moment This Past Week? Of course I enjoyed every moment I had with family and friends while we were in Illinois. For Blasty, I loved each of the moments where he kicked so that his grandparents could feel him. :)

Movement? YES. ALL THE TIME. AND ALL KINDS of movements. I even feel the "hiccups" now that I was always reading about. Boy, they are weird. I am surprised at how many different types of movements I feel...Some are very sharp and defined while others are widespread and subtle. He is BUSY. We have read about how this time is when they are still small enough to have lots of room to move but big enough so that I feel every movement. What to Expect When You Are Expecting notes: "Babies are actually most active during weeks 24 and 28 when they are small enough to belly dance, somersault, kick box, and do a full aerobic step class in their roomy uterine home." As But even when it hurts or makes me feel uncomfortable or is distracting, I still absolutely love it. It's Blasty!

Symptoms? Pain and discomfort as I mentioned before, occasional shortness of breath, congestion, trouble concentrating, anxiety, acne, and other unmentionables. :)

What I Miss? I don't mean to sound like a broken record but I really miss having sex with my husband. I'm just being honest!!! LOL.

What Am I Looking Forward To? Our check-up tomorrow which includes my glucose test for gestational diabetes (not a fun test but I will feel better when I know if I have it or not), and (hopefully) the ultrasound shortly thereafter. I am anxious to see Blasty again find out how much he has grown!!!

Emotions? Such growing love for little R! (Full name D.R.A.H.) :)

Sympathy Pregnancy

How Far Along? 25 weeks

Baby's Size and Development? 24 oz (...of Widmer Nelson Imperial IPA)

Changes in Me? Gassy. Stopped going to the gym. I've gained 2 lbs. and lost muscle mass.

Maternity Clothes? If by "maternity clothes" you mean the same clothes I've been wearing since high school, then yes.

Sleep? No problems here. Zzzzzz. The king size bed has definitely helped with my slumber.

Best Moment This Past Week? Practicing soothing a baby with 3 month old Nathan at Jason and April's.

Movement? Did I mention I was gassy?

Symptoms? Gassy, lower back pain, fatigue, loss of flexibility.

What I Miss? The days when a placenta wasn't involved in our sex life.

What Am I Looking Forward To? Did I mention the placenta? When is it going to move? Ha ha.

Emotions? Glee when I feel Blasty moving (not the TV show).

23 Weeks 3 Days

[Showing off my half gallon of Tillamook goodness and my belly in my SUPER cool new shirt from Hattie!]

How far along? 23 weeks 3 days

Baby's Size and Development? He's 8 1/2 inches crown to rump, so about 15 inches head to toe. Supposedly he is supposed to have a 6 oz. growth spurt this week (I don't know how they know these things but this is what we read) and I can't help but think I'm not eating enough! In a perfect world, all necessary nutrients for myself and Blasty could be received via a straw from a glass of frothy chocolate goodness. My luv for the chocolate milkshake has expanded into an obsession AND I discovered the Starbuck's whey protein chocolate smoothie tastes just like a chocolate milkshake if you get it without the banana. (This pregnant lady can NOT stand the combination of banana and chocolate. Gross.) With smoothies/milkshakes, cereal, and a constant craving for milk whenever I eat absolutely anything, I am drinking about 2 gallons of milk a week. Blasty should have very strong bones. We also read that this week he is considered "Viable," which I guess means that if something happened and he were removed from the safety of my uterus, he would have a more than 50/50 chance of survival. Wow. Go Blasty Go! Keep growing! (And just stay put for now!)

Changes in Me? A growing belly is pretty much the status quo. :-) No other changes yet, although I'm slowly beginning to feel an overall weight gain. My pants are getting a bit tight in the thighs and I wear my wedding band and engagement ring on a necklace now. And speaking of growing belly, when does one start to get stretch marks? Just curious. My mom said she only had 1 or 2 small ones so I don't anticipate many. Dan gets the fun job of massaging lotion onto my belly to keep my skin from being dry and itchy. It is very sweet. I've been using Burt's Bees Shea Butter & Vitamin E lotion, which has been great albeit a little stinky. It is actually fragrance-free but my pregnant nose thinks it smells like chalky rubber. (OH. The pregnant nose. That is a big change. The smell of most things is really kind of atrocious. This doesn't bode well for my husband who hates to shower. Now if he goes two days without a shower, I'm not quite as interested in snuggling....) I just got new lotion in a care package from Hattie (!!!) and it smells AMAZING. It is the Erbaviva organic belly butter, and I LOVE it! She also sent me Erbaviva refreshing organic foot balm and it smells of wonderful grapefruit, ginger and cypress.

Maternity Clothes? I scored a great Gap maternity dress for upcoming weddings at a resale boutique, and Hattie sent me two new shirts that I love (1 is in the photo above). I'm still holding out for more stuff when I will see April and Megan, but I might have to give in an buy some pants. I thought I would belly-band my way into the 3rd trimester but my thighs are starting to get thicker. :-)

[Another gift from Hattie, a knitted owl! So cute!!!]

Sleep? Yes. Lots of it. I love it. Yum.

Best Moment This Past Week? As I mentioned in my previous post, Dan felt Blasty for the first time!!! It was a wonderful, perfect, intimate moment, and I will always hold it in my heart!

Movement? I feel him every day! No more stretches of time (days...) where he seems to disappear. He is present at all times and I love it. It is wonderful that his kicks and punches are strong enough and frequent enough for Dan to feel, and we can see my stomach move now, too. Kinda weird but so very fun. ;-)

Symptoms? Same as usual...A little fatigue, low back pain, acne....And crying pretty easily at things. ;-)

What I Miss? My friends and family in Illinois! I am so anxious for our trip in 2 weeks!

What Am I Looking Forward To? Finishing the nursery. The closet is finally cleared out and everything is ready for finishing touches, which is great timing because we are starting to get gifts and hand-me-downs. :-) I ordered a mobile from Etsy but it got lost in delivery somewhere between here and Munich, Germany. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they can make us a new one....!

Emotions? A roller coaster. And I'm becoming very, very anxious to meet our little guy. ;-)

[Our paper crane mobile...Isn't it cool? From Wild Child Shop on Etsy]

[First blocks... ;-)]

[A beautiful PPB blanket from Christie. I'm having a hard time accepting that this is for Blasty and not me! LOL]

[Sweet little lambs from Auntie Lorri ;-) and yellow booties and matching cap from Christie, knit by her mother]

[Baby monitors, a diaper pail, and a head-start on diapering, thanks to Christie and Darren!]

Dear Blasty, Please Be Born In August

I have officially entered what I like to refer to as the "nearing the 3rd trimester freak-out." LOL. The reality of Blasty's arrival is hitting full force and everything is starting to look different and I can't help but feel unprepared. There have been several components to this freak-out and while I think the majority of them have passed, I would not be surprised if something else popped up and kept me going for the ride.

The thing that sparked the freak-out was my second guessing the decision to return to work after Blasty is born. This was something that we figured out very early on in the pregnancy and I stood firm by the decision despite the opinions and comments of others. I told our family in my Week 15 letter:

"I have one particular little birdie in my ear quite often about my decision to return to work after Blasty is born. She has the best of intentions (I believe) in encouraging me to stay at home, but it is becoming a little upsetting because she keeps bringing it up, telling me about the bad side of daycare and emphasizing how I will change my mind when I hold the baby for the first time. Believe me, I always imagined I would be a stay at home mom, so this isn't easy for me but I have to accept it. Dan's company doesn't offer insurance for dependents and mine does. The company pays my entire monthly premium and when the baby is added we will pay a small premium. That is affordable for us, and I feel very lucky to have the good plan that I have with $10 co-pays for all of my visits, ultrasounds, and labs. Even though my entire income will go to the insurance premium and daycare, it is the best solution because we couldn't afford independent insurance premiums and medical bills on Dan's salary alone. So this decision, and having to explain it to people who expect me to stay at home, has been the most difficult one I (and Dan I think) have come across so far! Welcome to parenthood, right?? :)"

Because of our insurance and income situation, the answer seemed clear. Then two weeks ago, a friend casually asked about whether or not I would return to work, and all of the sudden I was on the internet searching for options. I wanted to stay at home. There had to be a way! We made our decision based on the assumption that we would not be able to afford independent insurance premiums, but I never researched what those were. I had no idea what it would cost. I didn't know how to insure a newborn or how I would get back on the state's high risk plan without being wait-listed, but I never even investigated these things. Didn't I owe it to our new family to do the research? That week I became OBSESSED with finding answers. I initially spent an hour looking at the state of Oregon's web site trying to make sense of all of the information before I started crying. It was so overwhelming. Fortunately, a friend gave me the name of an insurance broker and I was able to put all of the research into her hands.

She immediately found out some helpful information for me that put a few pieces of my big, scary insurance puzzle together. We discovered that now that I have group insurance through work, I have portability rights. Therefore, should I lose my job and/or coverage, I am entitled to stay with my insurance company and have several plan choices. This is huge! They can't just drop me and refuse coverage because I have pre-exisiting conditions. WOW~! I never knew it! In fact, the portability rates with my company are far better than the state's high risk pool that I was covered with for several years here in Oregon. Cool!

In the meantime, I met with my boss to discuss my maternity leave. As hard facts were presented, I was disappointed to find out that I will not be able to take as much time as I had hoped (16-18 weeks) but I will at least have 12. Also, coverage for Blasty on my work plan would be much pricier than I thought. Without knowing yet if it was possible, I let her know that I was considering not returning to work. As I told her this, I felt like I was in an alternate reality. I didn't really know if I could stay at home but I was in a real fierce bubble of MAKING IT HAPPEN.

Despite the good news that I could maintain coverage and add a dependent when Blasty was born, the decision still came down to the numbers. While I waited for the broker to get back to me with rates, I started re-working our budget and over-over-over analyzing what to do. I knew without calculating anything yet that staying at home would crunch the life out of our budget and there would be no room for any errors. It seemed a little risky but shouldn't it be worth it? I hemmed and hawed, tugged Dan's ear and then tugged Megan's. Over the weekend, I hit rock bottom. I woke up at 4 a.m. and my mind was racing. I worried, worried, worried. Money. All about money. I cried. Later that day, I crunched the budget again with Dan's input and really looked at our numbers. This is what I should have done in the first place. Sigh. We just don't have enough numbers in our bank account to keep me at home with Blasty. Unless the broker called me up and said, "Surprise! We can cover you and your baby for free!" I cried and cried. Not only did my bubble POP! ...It drenched everything around me. Come Blasty's arrival, our financial situation is changing big time. After painstakingly revising our non-fixed expenses, the numbers leftover STILL didn't add up to much. We are going to be making ends meet on much less than I realized. I felt like SUCH a fool for not facing this reality sooner.

And yet, there is still time to prepare. We still have a few months to gear up and save what we can. I calmed my freak-out by focusing on the silver lining of this cloud: by calling up that broker, we are actually going to save money. She found a better independent insurance rate for Blasty (with the same insurance company, duh) than the one I would pay my company. She will save us $200 a month! Hooray!

But here's the catch, and why I am whispering to Blasty, Please be born in August!

New federal requirements appoint two months out of the year for enrollment for insurance for children under 18. Those months are August and February. This means that if Blasty is born in August, we can have the paperwork submitted ASAP and he will have insurance. If he waits and is born in September, then we can not enroll him until February. How CRAZY is that?! If that happens, we will have to use my company's plan until February. We are going to have to prepare for this scenario just in case.

If Blasty is born in August, he will save his family $1200 in his first 6 months of life. Like, way to go little man!!!

But I can't make him show up on time. So my first lesson learned in my first freak-out of my giant-nearing-the-3rd-trimester-freak-out? There are some things as a parent that we can't control. All we can do is prepare ourselves for the UN-planned. And I feel very fortunate to have a husband and father-to-be that I feel like I can do that with. I think we are a good team. I am very grateful that he was there for me and willing to talk and do whatever I needed to figure this all out.

And he got a little reward for sticking around: first contact with Blasty! In the quiet of the morning on Saturday, I woke up and wiggled across our GIANT bed to snuggle against him. He put his hand on my belly and Blasty gave him a little kick. ;-)

It's All About the Belly

How far along? 20 weeks 6 days. I'm over the hump! (No pun intended.) It really IS all about the belly now. People want to touch it and strangers now seem to have a clear signal to ask questions about me and my baby. Weird. But sweet, I guess.

Baby's size and development? According to the stuff I read, he should be about 6 1/2- 7 1/2 inches for the traditional "crown to rump" length, which means probably more like 10 inches from head to toe, and 10-11 ounces! :) Dan has thrown out the produce references and now prefers to equate him with a small squirrel. It is so hard to believe that this little guy started out the size of a poppy seed. Wow.

Changes in me? Um, hello back pain! For crying out loud. Remember last time I said it wasn't that bad? Well, now it is. I can only last about 1/2-1 hour walking or on my feet working on any sort of housecleaning or projects before my back hurts so bad I have to lie down and spend the rest of the day recuperating with heat packs. This is throwing a big annoying wrench in my plan to tackle my To Do list. I think over the past five months I stopped using my abdominal muscles and my back is overcompensating for it. And it's already overcompensating for the weight in my uterus. Speaking of which, it passes my belly button now and continues to grow. I swear I can feel it growing all of the time! And sometimes patches of my abdomen feel so hard I think I have found, and can knock on, Blasty's head. However he isn't big enough yet for me to actually feel where he is and what parts of him are in what places.

We learned at our last ultrasound that my placenta is at the bottom of my uterus. This is known as "Placenta Previa," and it is a "complete placenta previa" because the placenta is completely covering my cervix. The gravity of this condition depends on how far along I am in my pregnancy. So right now, it isn't alarming. I read that 8 out of 10 cases diagnosed by week 20 resolve themselves later in the pregnancy. I am on "pelvic rest" so I am supposed to keep an eye out for any bleeding and avoid strenuous activity such as lifting more than 20 lbs., or agitation or strain in the pelvic region. The perinatologist said it was still OK for us to have sex but our doctor advised against it. He wants me to take every precaution to avoid causing bleeding. The good news is that over time, my placenta is likely to "migrate" farther from my cervix (I learned in my reading that since the placenta is implanted in the uterus, it doesn't actually move, but it can end up farther away as my uterus expands) and I also read that as the placenta itself grows, it's likely to grow toward the richer blood supply in the upper part of the uterus. This is what we will be hoping for because if it continues to stay where it is into my third trimester, I will have further restrictions and things will get a little bit more tricky.

Maternity clothes? Still rockin' the belly band but I'm feeling ready for some actual maternity pants! At the end of the month we are going to visit April and I'm going to have to see if I can borrow some. I'm also planning on pillaging Megan's used goods at the end of May, and in the meantime I am on the hunt for a dress to wear to a wedding. Liz Lange at Target has cute styles but they are either ivory (horribly unflattering for me) or black (can I wear black to a wedding??)

Sleep? Great. Did I mention our new bed? And that Rocco is a big boy now and sleeps on his own in his kennel in the living room??? (Why didn't we do that from the very beginning with him???) :) Yes, I know I have. But it is worth mentioning again. These are good ....Very good things. I might get to experience a small window of great sleep before things get changed by a newborn.

Best moment this past week? Reading to Blasty. Like I said before, Dan has been talking to him but I haven't really. It hasn't come very naturally to me. So I decided to read to him. I happen to have a few board books already because I have been collecting Eric Carle stuff for a long time. I am determined to own every book he has written/illustrated. Blasty LOVED "My Very First Book of Animal Homes." He moved through the entire reading. He quieted for the more plot driven story that followed, "A House for Hermit Crab." :-)



Movement? Still lots of flutters and pops. Now that I feel him regularly it drives me crazy when he stops. He was relatively immobile throughout the entire weekend and I was getting annoyed. LOL. I like to know he's there!!! :) We have determined that he is most active on Mondays. Monday arrived and he moved from 7 am to 10 pm non-stop. I can't wait for when he is bigger and Dan can finally feel him...!

Symptoms? Back pain, round ligament pain, acne, less energy but no longer quite so fatigued.

What I miss? Sex. I'm just being honest. It has been a while. This "pelvic rest" thing is annoying.

What am I looking forward to? Our trip to Illinois. It is only 1 month away! We will have 11 glorious days away from work to just relax and spend time with family and friends. I have been so much more "homesick" than usual ever since I found out I was pregnant. I just can not wait to see my family and friends, hug them, and spend time together.

Emotions? There is a list of emotions in the right hand column on this web page. I feel like I am so hormonal I feel each and every single one of them every day. LOL. What a roller coaster!