Week of Ups and Downs

Well, mostly downs. The job hunt has been stressful and unfruitful. I'm grasping at anything at this point...About ready to apply at the gas station as long as they have benefits. I've also had a tough time with my depression...Which hasn't been easy but has lead me to believe that the medication I have been on a long time may not be doing the job anymore. I had two doctor visits, which always stress me out the night before, but in the end they were good. Dr. G. is supportive of baby-making in good time and gave me a time-table to work with, and he also recommended a fabulous psychiatry clinic in Beaverton where I can start to work with someone specifically on my anti-depressant medication instead of with a general practice doctor. It has also been a year since I was seeing someone in therapy, and I've learned in this time that I need to have that. Today I had blood drawn and even though that stresses me out, my day was brightened by the adorable man-nurse with dreads and a great sense of humor. He took really good care of me and I can't wait to see him next time. ;-) I've also been struggling with a major bout of insomnia this week, which hasn't helped my Fibromyalgia or Depression. What it has done is fired brain cells. I have gained knowledge regarding the major flea markets in the country and a special chateau in North Carolina, learned more from Pastor Scott (anyone who is awake at 2 in the morning is familiar with this Biblical scholar) and thanks to the Discovery Channel's Shark Week, I have come to understand the nuances of all American shark breeds and their locations, as well as South African Great Whites and Tiger sharks, the crazy experts that dive and swim along with them, and the not-so-wonderful stories of six people who have survived being eaten alive. I LOVE SHARK WEEK!

Anyway, tonight I was particularly frustrated after an entire day of rejections and employment trails that lead nowhere, but I had a wonderful massage and now I'm watching the results show of So You Think You Can Dance (or as we like to call it "So You Think You Have Pants"), with a whiskey and coke my hubby mixed, awaiting the fabulous bean and egg burritos he is preparing, and the lovely booger also pulled up six new job listings for me to look at while I was away earlier. I love my hubby. He takes such good care of me!

P.S. If you are in the greater Portland area and reading this and have the knowledge of a fabulous job for me, please let me know. ;-)

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I didn't make it to the library today until, um, 4? Because I slept in until, um, 2? I have such a generous husband. Because the library closes at 6 on Saturdays, I had to move to Starbucks, which enabled me to get in a mere four hours of writing for my rough draft on my senior thesis ("The Craft of Sound and Image in Denise Levertov's Poetry.") A whole other mistake was the consumption of two mocha lattes. This explains why I am awake at 2:30 a.m. Here I sit, at the laptop in the living room, with Hobbes asleep in my lap and the sound of Dan's snoring drifting down the hallway. The thump of the music at the neighbor's apartment has subsided and instead of working on my papers, I decided to redesign this blog. While I was digging through our image library for a new ::kiss:: photo, I found this shot taken during my first year at Marylhurst. It must have been spring, so that would have been just about three years ago. Wow. And now I am two weeks away from finishing. I can't help but feel nostalgic in addition to my excitement. How I have adored that campus! It's so beautiful and quiet. How I have learned so much and met wonderful people! I'm glad that I will be around next semester while I help with the literary journal, M Review. (No class or credits, just the experience of being student editor!) So far, it has only occupied me with busy work--organizing the hundreds of submissions and passing them onto staff members to review. In a few weeks I will begin reading and assessing what student work I would like to accept. In the meantime, I'm also working on a submission myself, for a Writer's Institute in New York. The English faculty at MU nominated me for a full scholarship to their 2-4 week summer program, so I'm giving it a go and applying. Dan has been helping me select material to submit, and I can't help but hope that I will get accepted! I guess this is what I have to get used to now that I'm graduating...The post-collegiate life of craft / submit / get denied / try again / craft / submit / etc. Of course, I already have my mind on many other projects that I am eager to get started on once I have more free time. FMS Nest has been progressing ever-so-slowly, and I'd like to devote more time to that this spring. What I have noticed as I began writing the blog is that at this point, it is limited to my experience with fibromyalgia. There is so much more I want write about in terms of my health, but what do I do? Start a blog for each of my conditions? Is there a way to combine writing about fibromyalgia, depression, pcos, et al., on this site? Or should I change the name of FMS Nest and incorporate all of my health issues, thoughts, and experiences on that? Does anyone have any ideas? Help! Well, I just heard the paper boy. I guess I better sign off and try to go to sleep before I get started on this project and stay up the rest of the night. Hope you enjoy the new design and features. There'll be more to come...! xoxo

We're Stealing the Goose, Too!

After reading Christie's post, I couldn't resist:

RULES:
-Turn to page 123 in the nearest book
-Find the fifth sentence
-Post the three sentences that follow the fifth sentence

***

25,000+ Baby Names!

Lotus (Greek) lotus.

Lou (American) a short form of Louise, Luella.

Louam (Ethiopian) sleep well.

***

So why the hell was my nearest book a baby name book? Dan and I own, um, FIVE baby name books, and this particular book is our car baby name book, which we bust out when car rides are long and boring. There's a nightstand baby name book, a bookshelf baby name book, a lent out to friends baby name book and an I don't need so many baby books; this one goes to the next baby shower baby book. (In case you are hunting for good ones, here are those in order of preference: The Baby Name Wizard, 50,001 Baby Names, Town & Country Baby Names, and Cool Names for Babies.)

Still, you may wonder, why do I have the car baby name book next to me at the computer in the office at work? I have baby-itis. And because we are in a holding pattern, all I can do to ease my itis is think about names for future-baby.

This means Monday night when I was an insomniac and couldn't go to sleep until 4:30 a.m., I tackled the nightstand baby book with rejuvenized fervor, only to find ***THE PERFECT BOY NAME*** and hop online to research the famous poet who happens to have it, because DAMN, how do I NOT KNOW anything about this poet? Shame on me; I'm about to get my degree in Literature.

The following night I casually mentioned to Dan that I had reopened the nightstand baby book and found a name that I "kind of liked." With a long sideways glance, I tested his reaction to see if he was willing to consider a new name, given that he stands very firmly on either side of "Rayne" or "Milo." He gave me a semi-interested and open-minded, "Oh yeah? What is it?" so I mustered up my most non-chalant voice and replied, "Well, it's really a neat name because it's a combination of a traditional, Biblical name (which I like) BUT it has a little indie edge to it (which he likes)...

And, without further ado: "Ezra." My heart skips a beat as I watch his face. This is ***THE PERFECT BOY NAME*** and, of course I will NEVER, EVER CHANGE MY MIND. So he better like it. And at this point, he does. I am hoping the fact that I haven't mentioned it again will provide him the opportunity to let it sink in and absorb the indie-cool factor, so that ultimately, he will come to love it as much as I do.

To wrap up my long explanation: I grabbed the car baby name book on my way to work today in order to look up just exactly what Ezra means...Because it never occured to me in the insomnia-induced 7 hour frenzy to look up the meaning. What if it was "lazy," "boar," or "cheesedoodle"?

Ezra (Hebrew) helper; strong. Awwww....