Holy Circus Babies!

I don't know what else to say. I am both elated and relieved to announce that I have completed my internship with the MU English Department as managing editor and designer of the M Review, our online literary publication. Like all good and hard things that come to an end, I see on the live version that I have a bit more work to do. There are a few snags. Regardless, I am happy to post the link for your reading pleasure. Jay and I collected an unusual bit of material-poetry and fiction-with a tendency toward the surreal and poetic dramatizations of interior moments. (I.E. Quirky, folks.) I have learned much from this experience and I hope that I will find opportunities in the future to work with literary journals.

The fact that M is officially going live tomorrow has become a significant gesture, as we will be gathering together with our English department community of students and teachers to celebrate the life of Jackie Mosier, recent Marylhurst graduate, who lost her battle with breast cancer. At the last minute, I tried to delicately incorporate a dedication in her honor to our 2008 issue. What I came up with is the illustration above, of a dove and flowers. I hope that people realize it is a dove. Does it look like a dove? It's kind of chubby.

Jackie had a zest for reading and writing, really good interprative and analytical skills, and opened her home again and again to our community for celebrations and hosting visiting authors. She leaves behind two adorable dogs and a husband, as well as an inspiring work ethic and creativity.

I Graduated...Now What?

I have been posed this question many times. In fact, as I stood in line before the graduation ceremony, a fellow classmate asked a group of us if we had any plans after graduation. I replied, "I'm throwing a party." They all laughed because he meant in life, not for just that afternoon. Still, I reiterated my plan: "I'm throwing a party." It took me 10 years to get to that point, so I was interested in enjoying the moment.

First on my list post-degree is to find a new job. I don't necessarily want something to do with my degree because my work history and experience is related to customer service, not English. Honestly, now that I am free to work full time, I'm keen on finding a job avec benefits. I about fainted when I realized recently that companies sometimes pay their employees' insurance premiums. (Wha-?) All this time I thought Dan had payments taken out of his paychecks, but nope! THEY PAY! So I'd like to find myself a situation like that, preferably with a shorter commute than the one I make now.

Second on my list is to continue to do the things that I like to do: writing, reading, finding new music, blogging, playing with my dog and cat, loving every moment with hubby. I like enjoying these thing without the dreaded thought at the back of my mind that I have homework to do. I also feel like blogging for fmsNest and working on my screenplay are creative outlets with potential for financial support if I really apply myself.

Third on my list is to research graduate school programs. As much as I enjoy the before-said freedom of consciousness, I also miss learning! I do not feel like I am done. I also never could have anticipated the way that I would feel after graduating--how confident and excited I feel about the future. As I bask in my glowing pride, I am constantly going back to the sources of my passion for education...Those teachers I thanked in a previous post. Primarily, I think about the women that inspired me with their beautiful and gracious yet precarious balance of teaching, scholarly study, family, and personal growth.

I decided to look into graduate programs in Art History or Theology, academic areas I am most passionate about and would honestly love to teach. As of today, I have no Art History options in the Portland area, so I'm researching a Theology degree at George Fox. Now, I've heard they are quite conservative, and I'm not sure I am the perfect fit for an Evangelical Seminary, but I'm up for finding out more. Next week I'll be sitting in on a class and meeting the faculty to feel out whether or not I want to apply. If it's meant to be, it will be.

I Gradumacated! Part II

The actual ceremony was long and boring. I'm just going to leave it at that. Walking across the stage and accepting my diploma was completely surreal. I spent the past 10 years trying to get to that point. How many times did I give up or want to give up? Innumerable. I never even knew why I was going to school, I just knew I was supposed to. God bless the child who enters university with a firm idea of what they want to study and who they "want to be when they grow up."

I first wrote what felt like an epic for this post, but I think I was pulling in too much outside of my education over the past ten years for my readers to grapple with. My emotional, spiritual, and physical struggles are interwoven into every classroom I sat in, every paper I wrote, every text I read. I am flooded with memories that I can't even begin to explain here, so I don't want to attempt it poorly. What I can say is that I have a foundation built for the rest of my life in the studies of literature, religion, art, history, and the sciences that I value as much as my most cherished relationships and experiences. I have encountered the most inspiring individuals as teachers--intelligent, generous, and passionate, and if only I could be like them...

When I heard the bagpipes begin to play at the close of my graduation ceremony, I got very choked up. By the time I exited the ballroom doors, I walked to the window and stood, taking deep breaths and watching the rose bushes bend slowly in the breeze. Graduates hugged and cheered around me, but it felt quiet. I was crying with such a sense of grief, pride, loneliness, and disbelief. Grief for the loss of the learning that I love, in the university setting; pride for the accomplishment of what I never truly believed I could do; loneliness for the first tremendous moment in my life that my parents were not there to share with me; disbelief that the past ten years of my life had reached a final quiet conclusion.

Though they will certainly never know it, I have to acknowledge the instructors at Goshen College, Columbia College, and Marylhurst University that believed in me or encouraged me in their own way as I studied, and will inspire me for the rest of my life:

David Stark, Columbia College, Art History
Jo-Ann Brant, Goshen College, Religion & Biblical Studies
Ann Hostetler, Goshen College, Literature & Creative Writing
Jay Ponteri, Marylhurst University, Literature & Creative Writing
Ruth Krall, Goshen College, Womens Studies
Marlene Bauer, Marylhurst University, Drawing
Stephanie Robison, Marylhurst University, Sculpture
Cecilia Ranger, SNJM, Marylhurst University, Ethics & Philosophy
Perrin Kerns, Marylhurst University, Literature
Don Blosser, Goshen College, Religion & Biblical Studies
John D. Roth, Goshen College, History
Alexandra Hellenbrand, Goshen College, German
Julie-Anne Poncet, Marylhurst University, Art History

And I have to THANK my darling Allyson, (pictured above) who has known me since I was approximately three and a half, for being there to witness the occasion, along with my beautiful husband, who was the first person I saw come through the doors and be there to hug me!!!!

I Gradumacated!!! Part I

[Dan points out my name in the ceremony program]

[Afterward, proudly holding my fake diploma; I will get the real one in the mail after I pay my library fines.]

As for the video footage of my walk across the stage to receive my diploma, all you will hear is a bit of clapping for my name having been called, and then the name of the girl behind me and the girl behind her announced. You can't quite see me either, but it happens! Just really fast. Dan was in the bathroom when they started, so he had to scramble when he got back because they were announcing the English department grads. Instead of going in alphabetical order as indicated by the ceremony program (see above photo), they read the names in the order we just so happened to be lined up in. My flabbergasted husband wasn't ready for me to be called third!

T Minus = 34.5 Hours to Graduation

Dwight the Bobble Head had to stand in for Hobbes, who put up THE FIGHT OF HIS LIFE to not have his picture taken with my graduation cap on.

T Minus = 60 hrs to Graduation

There's a party Saturday afternoon. Our place, 2:00 open house til the sun comes up. Rocco's ready. Are you?

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I didn't make it to the library today until, um, 4? Because I slept in until, um, 2? I have such a generous husband. Because the library closes at 6 on Saturdays, I had to move to Starbucks, which enabled me to get in a mere four hours of writing for my rough draft on my senior thesis ("The Craft of Sound and Image in Denise Levertov's Poetry.") A whole other mistake was the consumption of two mocha lattes. This explains why I am awake at 2:30 a.m. Here I sit, at the laptop in the living room, with Hobbes asleep in my lap and the sound of Dan's snoring drifting down the hallway. The thump of the music at the neighbor's apartment has subsided and instead of working on my papers, I decided to redesign this blog. While I was digging through our image library for a new ::kiss:: photo, I found this shot taken during my first year at Marylhurst. It must have been spring, so that would have been just about three years ago. Wow. And now I am two weeks away from finishing. I can't help but feel nostalgic in addition to my excitement. How I have adored that campus! It's so beautiful and quiet. How I have learned so much and met wonderful people! I'm glad that I will be around next semester while I help with the literary journal, M Review. (No class or credits, just the experience of being student editor!) So far, it has only occupied me with busy work--organizing the hundreds of submissions and passing them onto staff members to review. In a few weeks I will begin reading and assessing what student work I would like to accept. In the meantime, I'm also working on a submission myself, for a Writer's Institute in New York. The English faculty at MU nominated me for a full scholarship to their 2-4 week summer program, so I'm giving it a go and applying. Dan has been helping me select material to submit, and I can't help but hope that I will get accepted! I guess this is what I have to get used to now that I'm graduating...The post-collegiate life of craft / submit / get denied / try again / craft / submit / etc. Of course, I already have my mind on many other projects that I am eager to get started on once I have more free time. FMS Nest has been progressing ever-so-slowly, and I'd like to devote more time to that this spring. What I have noticed as I began writing the blog is that at this point, it is limited to my experience with fibromyalgia. There is so much more I want write about in terms of my health, but what do I do? Start a blog for each of my conditions? Is there a way to combine writing about fibromyalgia, depression, pcos, et al., on this site? Or should I change the name of FMS Nest and incorporate all of my health issues, thoughts, and experiences on that? Does anyone have any ideas? Help! Well, I just heard the paper boy. I guess I better sign off and try to go to sleep before I get started on this project and stay up the rest of the night. Hope you enjoy the new design and features. There'll be more to come...! xoxo

The Secret To My Educational Success:

Hobez & Rocco help me with my homework...

I'm Addicted to School

This week I begin classes for the first term of my last year at Marylhurst. I am now officially 15 credits away from my degree in English Literature & Writing. (What do I plan to do with it when I am done? Write.)

To make things interesting, I have also begun the daunting, expensive, and tedious task of working on graduate school applications. and I will be sharing details about this process along the way. Oh yes. Graduate school. Because, apparently, I am NOT satisfied with already spending 10 years on schooling. I WANT MORE.

Applying really is a major undertaking, which is why I spread out my final credits at MU over two terms--so that I would have time for this. And serving as managing editor of M Review this year. (But that's another story.)

Anyway, here is the preliminary list of schools from which I have sought information and application packets, and let me know if you have any other suggestions because this is only 7 and I need between 8 and 10 to increase my chances!!!

Low Residency Schools (Only required to attend 10-12 days seminars on campus twice a year, while the rest of the work is done in correspondence with an adviser from home.)
Antioch University (L.A.)
Bennington College (Vermont)
Goddard College (Port Townshend, WA campus)
Naropa University (Colorado)
Spalding University (Louisville)
Warren Wilson College (North Carolina)

Full Residency (And this means we'd be packing our things and moving back across the country....)
University of Iowa (Iowa Writers' Workshop...Only the most prestigious program IN the country!)