Week of Ups and Downs

Well, mostly downs. The job hunt has been stressful and unfruitful. I'm grasping at anything at this point...About ready to apply at the gas station as long as they have benefits. I've also had a tough time with my depression...Which hasn't been easy but has lead me to believe that the medication I have been on a long time may not be doing the job anymore. I had two doctor visits, which always stress me out the night before, but in the end they were good. Dr. G. is supportive of baby-making in good time and gave me a time-table to work with, and he also recommended a fabulous psychiatry clinic in Beaverton where I can start to work with someone specifically on my anti-depressant medication instead of with a general practice doctor. It has also been a year since I was seeing someone in therapy, and I've learned in this time that I need to have that. Today I had blood drawn and even though that stresses me out, my day was brightened by the adorable man-nurse with dreads and a great sense of humor. He took really good care of me and I can't wait to see him next time. ;-) I've also been struggling with a major bout of insomnia this week, which hasn't helped my Fibromyalgia or Depression. What it has done is fired brain cells. I have gained knowledge regarding the major flea markets in the country and a special chateau in North Carolina, learned more from Pastor Scott (anyone who is awake at 2 in the morning is familiar with this Biblical scholar) and thanks to the Discovery Channel's Shark Week, I have come to understand the nuances of all American shark breeds and their locations, as well as South African Great Whites and Tiger sharks, the crazy experts that dive and swim along with them, and the not-so-wonderful stories of six people who have survived being eaten alive. I LOVE SHARK WEEK!

Anyway, tonight I was particularly frustrated after an entire day of rejections and employment trails that lead nowhere, but I had a wonderful massage and now I'm watching the results show of So You Think You Can Dance (or as we like to call it "So You Think You Have Pants"), with a whiskey and coke my hubby mixed, awaiting the fabulous bean and egg burritos he is preparing, and the lovely booger also pulled up six new job listings for me to look at while I was away earlier. I love my hubby. He takes such good care of me!

P.S. If you are in the greater Portland area and reading this and have the knowledge of a fabulous job for me, please let me know. ;-)

I'm a Sucka

...for sidewalk sales, cashmere, and small things. The result? I now have in my possession an adorable little hoody by Lucky Jade.

It's a 6-12 months size, so I'm hoping my sister will like it and little Logan can wear it this fall. If she doesn't want Logan wearing a cashmere sweater with pink owls....Then it'll just have to go in the stockpile!

I Graduated...Now What?

I have been posed this question many times. In fact, as I stood in line before the graduation ceremony, a fellow classmate asked a group of us if we had any plans after graduation. I replied, "I'm throwing a party." They all laughed because he meant in life, not for just that afternoon. Still, I reiterated my plan: "I'm throwing a party." It took me 10 years to get to that point, so I was interested in enjoying the moment.

First on my list post-degree is to find a new job. I don't necessarily want something to do with my degree because my work history and experience is related to customer service, not English. Honestly, now that I am free to work full time, I'm keen on finding a job avec benefits. I about fainted when I realized recently that companies sometimes pay their employees' insurance premiums. (Wha-?) All this time I thought Dan had payments taken out of his paychecks, but nope! THEY PAY! So I'd like to find myself a situation like that, preferably with a shorter commute than the one I make now.

Second on my list is to continue to do the things that I like to do: writing, reading, finding new music, blogging, playing with my dog and cat, loving every moment with hubby. I like enjoying these thing without the dreaded thought at the back of my mind that I have homework to do. I also feel like blogging for fmsNest and working on my screenplay are creative outlets with potential for financial support if I really apply myself.

Third on my list is to research graduate school programs. As much as I enjoy the before-said freedom of consciousness, I also miss learning! I do not feel like I am done. I also never could have anticipated the way that I would feel after graduating--how confident and excited I feel about the future. As I bask in my glowing pride, I am constantly going back to the sources of my passion for education...Those teachers I thanked in a previous post. Primarily, I think about the women that inspired me with their beautiful and gracious yet precarious balance of teaching, scholarly study, family, and personal growth.

I decided to look into graduate programs in Art History or Theology, academic areas I am most passionate about and would honestly love to teach. As of today, I have no Art History options in the Portland area, so I'm researching a Theology degree at George Fox. Now, I've heard they are quite conservative, and I'm not sure I am the perfect fit for an Evangelical Seminary, but I'm up for finding out more. Next week I'll be sitting in on a class and meeting the faculty to feel out whether or not I want to apply. If it's meant to be, it will be.

Wipe-Out!!!

"Feeling stuck in a summer rut? Wipe-Out will help you out!!!"

Ha ha. It's our new favorite summer show (and The Greatest American Dog, of course.) I know it's stupid, but I laugh out loud every single time somebody wipes out on the revolving thingy toward the end of the obstacle course. Oh my God. I feel like an eight year old when I watch it--laughing at other people's pain and embarrassment. And my favorite??!? The big balls in the qualifying round! Tuesday nights at 7/8 p.m. Does anybody else watch this?

Newly Spotted: Mésange à Tête Noire

Poecile atricapilla - Black-capped Chickadee

"The Black-Capped Chickadee hides seeds and other food items for later recovery. Each item is placed in a different spot and a bird can remember thousands of hiding places" (Cornell).

Above photo from Birds Likely to be Observed in Oregon.

Boys, Boys, Boys!!!

God Bless the Intranets & cell phone technology. It keeps us up-to-date with all of our friends and family's growing boys and girls. And, my, my, how many boys! Last count?

[Evan Henry belongs to Carrie and Matt, our friends from Chicago--Carrie was Dan's flatmate for a year before we moved to Portland. Evan is fresh out of the womb and only 1 month old!]


[Rainer belongs to Zach, Dan's former college roommate in Normal, IL.]

[Judah belongs to Grant, Dan's former First Grade Crush bandmate and what he refers to as a "kindred soul." Judah was born in Indonesia and will be moving to Germany soon. Man, that kid gets around. And yes, I MAY have selected this photo strategically for the Cubs shirt.]


[Monsieur Henry, son of Christie, one of the few but significant friends I've made here in PDX, thanks to both of our employment ventures at Spoiled Rotten, and Darren, of Life at the Condo. ~ Funny Aside: We were both considering starting families when we worked together, so we would spend our ho-hum Sundays picking out favorite outfits for our "future" babies. Hee hee!]

[Our favorite little 5 year old man, Harrison, son of Nick and Megan, two of my best friends from high school who happened to get married--so convenient for me! Harrison likes drawing us pictures, playing with Legos, and talking about cars.]

[The McNulty boys belong to Mike & Cathy. Cathy and Dan went to preschool together if that gives you any idea how LONG they have known each other and what LOYAL people they are! It has been pure joy watching Quinn and Liam grow on Cathy's popular blog, McCathy's Tub.]


[Pax, pictured here with his papa (right) and Uncle PJ (left). Pax's mom, Jess, is the daughter of one of my best friends, Tina, and a kindred spirit. I probably admire Jess more than she'll ever know. And Pax continues to be the cutest baby we have had the pleasure of hanging out with and watching grow...*Photo Credit: Emily Caldwell.]

[Little Jon Ephram just turned 1 year old and his mom started a blog so I LOVE visiting it to see new photos and have added it to our list. I was friends with Megan and Peter in high school--and Peter was even my boyfriend in the 7th grade! Woo hoo! Sigh. *First loves.* J. Ephram's grandpa Byler also was my pediatrician when I was his age! Wow, how time flies...Peter and Meghan live in MA now and this frickin' cute little boy also gets my vote for the best name!]

[Clocking in at a mere 4 months old tomorrow, THE NEF makes his appearance in the top boys category with shades that are TOO COOL FOR YOU!]

Boris

Cyanocitta stelleri -- Steller's Jay is kind of a bully with the other birds. Most get out of his way. He likes the feeding tray, the birdbath and the suet tray. The other birds come back after he leaves. Calls are low pitched, raucous, and varied, often in a series of 3. Stellers imitates hawks expertly. (Photo and text from Birds Likely to be Observed in Oregon).

Our resident Steller's Jay is Boris, a rude dude with a 'tude. Ever reckless and stubborn, Boris developed a habit of flying straight into our finch bird feeder, head-butting it with the full force of his flight in order to knock out seed he can munch on. It is not uncommon for Boris to do this while Dan or I are sitting out on the balcony, which always nearly gives me a heart attack. I hope to catch a photo of Boris soon...

Happy 33rd Birthday to My Sis!

[Holding her new baby sister, 1980.]

[Roller skates & matching outfits, 1984.]

[Rocking the family portrait, 1987.]


[Her own family portrait, 2008.]

Spelunking

I LOVE this photo and had to share it! Dan's boss recently filled the walls of their offices and workrooms with fabulous, large, framed photos of company properties and events. Above Dan's desk is an 8 x 10 of this picture, taken while we were spelunking in remote caves of the high desert in central Oregon. (I think it was with Wanderlust Tours). It was during the company retreat at Mt. Bachelor Village in Bend, Oregon, in the fall of 2005.

Economic Stimulus Check

We got it--finally. I wish we could use it to get Dan a new fishing pole, myself a new bike, or maybe just for fun to go out to dinner and see a movie. Instead, the whole whopping thing will go to medical bills. And I have insurance. And we MET the $1000 deductible practically right off the bat! Medical bills are such a pain. Did I mention I'm looking for a new job with benefits? We also have a special assessment on our condo to get new roofing completed on all of our buildings. Luckily Dan has been doing side jobs every weekend over the past year, so his savings will cover that, enabling us to use our "economic stimulus check" to pay for past due medical bills. What is necessary. For blood tests. Doctor visits. Invasive pelvic probe procedures. Thyroid testing. A shot of a powerful painkiller straight to the hip. How stimulating.

Please share the wonderful things that the rest of you have done with your checks!!! I want to live vicariously through you........!

Happy 30th Birthday to My Lovely Sarah!

My Mom Hates the Name Fern

I am once again trying to get off birth control and onto Metformin to let the baby-making begin! The whole process of working up my doses and then transitioning off of the pill could take up to a year, but ho-hum. I have nothing else to do now that I'm not in school! Dan has lost interest in pursuing Nursing and I can't go to graduate school right now because there are no schools in the Portland area with a masters program in Art History (what the heck?) We are also refinancing the loan on our condo which requires a steady commitment of at least two more years. What better time to try for a baby? At least we never get tired of trying.

Given this line of thought, I recently talked to my mom about baby names, saying Dan and I had pretty much picked ours out. I referenced these before, specifically "Ezra," and then our girl name, later in a sneaky little photo caption. I guessed nobody noticed, because we didn't hear screams or bitching from anybody over the name "Fern." Then I told my mom. Not that she bitched. She did some very good-humored screaming. "Whhhaaatt?!!?" The only Fern my mother ever knew was an old lady at my childhood church in Washington, IL. I don't remember her, but I do realize it is an old lady name. I told her, I like old lady names. "What about Ethel Belle?" (That's the name of my grandmother.) I love Ethel Belle, but Dan has never liked it. We like Fern also because it is botanical and even lends an association to our honeymoon here in Oregon, where the ferns are tremendous. Personally, I also like it because it is a famous book character name--Fern from Charlotte's Web. I told my mom that according to Dan, it was either Fern or "Archer." Couldn't she get used to Fern? She insisted that the middle name might help her out. I didn't want to tell her the middle name because it's hard to pronounce and not very common--that was hardly going to help matters. Turns out, she'd gladly spend the rest of her life telling people how to pronounce and/or spell "Anaïs" rather than accept Fern.

The other day I read that Nicole Kidman named her daughter "Sunday Rose Kidman Urban." Other celebrities named their daughters "Honor Marie," and "Stella Doreen." We all know "Shiloh" and "Suri." I think Fern is pretty plain and tame! I told my mom to just think of the name Fern the next time she saw a cute baby girl, and soon the association would build and the name would grow on her. For example, look at this outfit and think of little baby Fern crawling around in it:Might Dan and I possibly change our minds? Of course! But we might not! Does anyone else have such a wretched aversion to this name? Speak now, or forever hold your peace...! Oh, and doesn't that outfit make you want to have a girl?

[Outfit from Janie & Jack; Heirloom Summer hand-crochet bodice & bloomer in pima cotton.]

The Nef Returns!

And he has been a busy bee...Swimming, mowing with grandpa, laughing and playing...He just keeps getting cuter and cuter, too.

Seattle

I finally have a few photos from my trip to Seattle on flickr. Apparently, I am crazy about flowers because I took a million pictures of the flowers for sale in the market. Most of them didn't even turn out well because I used our old camera as to avoid leaving Dan's fancy company camera in a bar. (Good thinking. I DID leave my wallet in a bar but safely retrieved it the next day.) When I get copies of Connie and Allyson's photos, I'll have more to share, but for now it's pretty much cheese, flowers, and the cityscape. (There are also a few photos of Allyson and I dancing in the hotel bathroom after a few drinks that I will just keep to myself.)

Allyson, Connie, and I had a great time checking out what we could around our hotel downtown. We visited the Space Needle (atop which I had my first experience of vertigo--but it was beautiful!) and Pike Place Market, sampled the wines of Washington, and tried fabulous restaurants including Wild Ginger and Restaurant Zoë. The nightlife was ho-hum...Everyone just sent us to the same place, of which we weren't greatly impressed. I think we would have had a pinch more fun if we were with native Seattleites, who could have guided us to the best places.

My favorite part of the trip was super touristy, though--the market, where we took a Savor Seattle tasting tour. I made myself try every sample, no matter what it was! I tasted old fashioned donuts, spices, tea, fresh smoked salmon, handmade cheese & cheese curds (eckh!!!!), clam chowder, fresh local fruit, chocolate covered cherries, piroshky pastries, and coconut cream pie by the famous Pacific Northwest chef, Tom Douglas. Allyson and Connie were very proud of me for trying different foods, but I drew the line at dinnertime. They happily indulged in copious amounts of local seafood--mussels, fish, sushi rolls, scallops? I couldn't keep track. At some point I think EEL WAS INVOLVED. I stuck with chicken and vegetables, thank you very much. They were yummy. The third day was a bit of a bummer because I felt sick, so I spent most of the day in my fluffy bed watching a flat screen TV. Connie ventured off by herself to take a winery/falls tour in the country, and Allyson walked just about every inch of downtown and then checked out a boat tour.

I did miss Dan, even though it was only a few days. The photo above is of my peonies he gave me for graduation. He put them in a bouquet so I could take them with me on the trip and enjoy them before they died. I love that photo because it seems peaceful, and the trip was that for me--peaceful and relaxing. I am so thankful that Allyson came and whisked me away somewhere new for a few days!

A Great Way to Start My Day

Yesterday was one of those days where you feel like you're stuck in between a rock and a hard toilet. Porcelain. I was achy, tired, crying for no reason, cranky, limping...ready to throw in my towel. A nice evening walk with my hubby and I felt better, but I wasn't able to go to sleep last night. I think it was around 3:00 a.m. when I finally drifted off. Needless to say, I'm tired again today. However, on the way to work, I caught an interview on my favorite morning talk show with a man named Kent Couch, who just so happened to have flown himself with the aid of helium balloons and a lawn chair from Bend, Oregon to Cambridge, Idaho. For real. 9 hours. I giggled the whole way to work as the radio hosts asked him questions about how and why he decided to do such a bizarre thing. He said it was JUST FOR FUN. I absolutely love it. Thank you Kent, for cheering me up, and good luck on your next flight! (Photo taken by The Oregonian.)

I Gradumacated! Part II

The actual ceremony was long and boring. I'm just going to leave it at that. Walking across the stage and accepting my diploma was completely surreal. I spent the past 10 years trying to get to that point. How many times did I give up or want to give up? Innumerable. I never even knew why I was going to school, I just knew I was supposed to. God bless the child who enters university with a firm idea of what they want to study and who they "want to be when they grow up."

I first wrote what felt like an epic for this post, but I think I was pulling in too much outside of my education over the past ten years for my readers to grapple with. My emotional, spiritual, and physical struggles are interwoven into every classroom I sat in, every paper I wrote, every text I read. I am flooded with memories that I can't even begin to explain here, so I don't want to attempt it poorly. What I can say is that I have a foundation built for the rest of my life in the studies of literature, religion, art, history, and the sciences that I value as much as my most cherished relationships and experiences. I have encountered the most inspiring individuals as teachers--intelligent, generous, and passionate, and if only I could be like them...

When I heard the bagpipes begin to play at the close of my graduation ceremony, I got very choked up. By the time I exited the ballroom doors, I walked to the window and stood, taking deep breaths and watching the rose bushes bend slowly in the breeze. Graduates hugged and cheered around me, but it felt quiet. I was crying with such a sense of grief, pride, loneliness, and disbelief. Grief for the loss of the learning that I love, in the university setting; pride for the accomplishment of what I never truly believed I could do; loneliness for the first tremendous moment in my life that my parents were not there to share with me; disbelief that the past ten years of my life had reached a final quiet conclusion.

Though they will certainly never know it, I have to acknowledge the instructors at Goshen College, Columbia College, and Marylhurst University that believed in me or encouraged me in their own way as I studied, and will inspire me for the rest of my life:

David Stark, Columbia College, Art History
Jo-Ann Brant, Goshen College, Religion & Biblical Studies
Ann Hostetler, Goshen College, Literature & Creative Writing
Jay Ponteri, Marylhurst University, Literature & Creative Writing
Ruth Krall, Goshen College, Womens Studies
Marlene Bauer, Marylhurst University, Drawing
Stephanie Robison, Marylhurst University, Sculpture
Cecilia Ranger, SNJM, Marylhurst University, Ethics & Philosophy
Perrin Kerns, Marylhurst University, Literature
Don Blosser, Goshen College, Religion & Biblical Studies
John D. Roth, Goshen College, History
Alexandra Hellenbrand, Goshen College, German
Julie-Anne Poncet, Marylhurst University, Art History

And I have to THANK my darling Allyson, (pictured above) who has known me since I was approximately three and a half, for being there to witness the occasion, along with my beautiful husband, who was the first person I saw come through the doors and be there to hug me!!!!

July Artist of the Month: Vicki Fredricks

I decided to feature Vicki Fredricks, an artist I found on Etsy, because we ordered one of her prints. (My first Etsy purchase!) The original acrylic painting was a tad bit out of my price range, but the reproduced print was a cool twenty bucks. Dan and I fell in love with "Ewe and Ram" because they seem to represent the two of us and our partnership--and it will always remind me of our drives through the Oregon country, spotting sheep, cattle, and horses. The print was my graduation gift to myself, and I have a hanging spot ready above our dining table once I get a nice mat and frame for it. To see more of her work, visit her official web site or her Etsy shop.